"Search For Me" by Amanda Woodard
Image Credit: Stefano Pollio, obtained and licensed through Unsplash
Search for Me1
Associate me.
Abstract me.
Extend beyond the main emotion: rage.
Functioning for the next decade and beyond
is dire, a distinct form of psychopathy.
Validate my victimization
and do not.
Across generations, I—a child, an ass,
a pubic hair exposed—developed.
I longed for violation called love.
Dissociation altered my spirituality.
The math of trauma means the average
woman is 11
the first time.
Validate me and do not.
Tell me I am the only one.
Tell me, Sure.
Say, Yes, you’re special.
Tell us,
Your suffering has meaning.
1 Erasure poem from “Complex PTSD research directions for nosology/assessment, treatment, and Public Health,” by Julian D. Ford on NCBI.NLM.NIH.gov, pages 1–4; some punctuation added; some capitalization changed.
Amanda Woodard is a queer poet, essayist, and ghostwriter, as well as an MFA candidate at Antioch University. She studied Social Science and Journalism at the University of North Texas and attended writing workshops at the Mayborn Literary Nonfiction Conference and Writing Workshops Dallas. She has been sober from drugs and alcohol since March 24, 2019. Amanda lives in the Dallas Metroplex with her very anxious emotional support dog, Sirius.