2023 Poetry Winner: "The First Born Daughter Explores Her Sense of Self" by Totty Norwood

Black and white photo of a feather which is fading into the background. — Photo Credit: Irina Krutova, obtained and licensed through Unsplash.

The First Born Daughter Explores Her Sense of Self

I am a raven’s feather on a windowsill and
sometimes I wonder if my mother forgets
about me. Like the last drop of her favorite
perfume collecting at the bottom of a crystal
glass; reduced to nothing but a memory of
my own fullness and really without my
mother I might have never seen the warning
signs of the woman I might become. And
really what I mean to say is that I feel like a
memory of her past self; molted skin of a
rattlesnake on the side of highway I-40.

My mother still tells me I am the best parts
of both her and my father but really what I
wish she would say is that I am like the
sunlight filtering through the feathers of a
hawk. I wish she would tell me that I am the
closest thing to the divine she’s ever
experienced and sometimes I wish she
would call me freedom and tell me with
tears in her eyes that she’s sorry.

III

I am the mojave sweltering in September; I
am dog days with no reprieve and when the
rains finally come I am the release.